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I need some advice...
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18 March 2002
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Recently Received - March 2002 Collaboration
TOPIC: I could do with some advice...
Dear Maggie,
I bumped into an old friend of ours from school. Remember Shelly? She asked about you; I didn’t know what to say. It’s been so long since I’ve talked to you myself, so I didn’t really have much to offer Shelly in the way of information on you. I just kind of hemmed and hawed and indicated how busy both you and I have become. But it made me think of you.
I miss our talks, Maggie. Remember when we used to stay up all night. Laughing and giggling. Painting our toenails. Listening and dancing to Monkees songs over and over again. Dreaming of meeting Davy, Peter, Micky, and Mike. A laugh can still be heard in the echoes of reminiscence as I close my eyes and think back to a sounds of our Keds softly padding down the hall, laughter of boys and girls, the clanging of lockers as they are slammed shut in the hurriedness of high school. I still chuckle when I think of all the teachers that called me Maggie and called you Karen, then had a hissy fit when neither of us answered them. Hello!
I really don’t want to bother you, my friend, but I need you. I called your mom and got your new address from her. She knew that it would be okay with you. I hope she was right.
It's always so easy to give advice when someone asks for it. In fact, often times people come to me when they want some soothing words, comforting hugs, words of wisdom. They compliment me on my talent for seeing things as they really are. I can objectively make a judgement on a situation for anyone.... but myself.
Why is that when I am trying to be objective and honest about myself, I fail miserably?
I need you; I could do with some advice. You are my friend, and I know that you will tell me what you believe is the best thing for me, no matter how much the words might sting. That subtle pinch of reality usually goes away, I know. However, the initial jolt is electrifyingly too real. No matter the distance, no matter the time between visits, I know that I can count on you for words of wisdom.
Last year I found out that my fiancé was seeing another woman. It hadn’t become physical, but it was indeed a relationship forged by telephone calls and emails. No, he and his new girlfriend hadn’t met, but it was only a matter of time.
I didn’t find out about this relationship from him. I found out on my own, and that really hurt. I wanted to walk away from him forever at first. I cried until no more tears would spill. I questioned him over and over again, asking why? Why did he need to seek another woman? Was I not enough for him? Was there something that I couldn’t give him? What was wrong with me?
I burdened the whole problem. If he was out there oggling other women, and he allowed one of them get so close that it created a riff in our own relationship, then it was obviously my fault, right? Why else would he do that? I was hurt like I’d never been hurt before, and I couldn’t believe that someone that I loved so much could do that to me.
I need your advice. What do I do? How do I survive something like this? Do I stay with him and hope to work things out? Or is this sign of things to come? My instinct is to walk away and never look back. I always said that if someone cheated on me, there would be no recourse. However, that is so much easier to say than to actually follow through on.
My feelings are so mixed right now. I love him. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him. And that left me more open to hurt than I’ve ever been.
What do I do, Maggie? Should I mend this relationship – work at fixing the holes? If so, how the heck do I do this and keep a tight grasp on my self worth? Do I just walk away?
I’m so confused. I can’t stop loving him, yet I don’t know if I can do this to myself.
Please, throw some words of comfort at me. I could use them right about now. However, more importantly, I need your advice.
I hope that life is finding you in a much happier place than I have found.
Your forever friend,
Karen
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