Nelson Henderson

I have never been very good at interpreting what I think an author means when he or she has written a specific passage. I am, unfortunately, a much more literal person. Tell it to me straight. If you want me to know something, don’t hide it behind fancy words and metaphors. With that said, I do enjoy looking at quotes and seeing if I can make my own meaning out of them. Yes, I realize that it might be something completely different than the author intended, but I believe that if anything makes us think about things, it will be an honorable misinterpretation at worst.

The above quote leads me to believe that there was an intent behind those words – obviously. What do I ‘see’ when I read them? “The true meaning of life is to plant tree, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.” Give for the reason of giving. Don’t expect things in return. To me, it’s as simple as that. It’s a virtue that should be sought after and practiced.

I think of all the times that I’ve reached out to friends and genuinely extended myself into their lives, hoping to help them in some way, support them, encourage them, and just show them that I care. It is done out of love and friendship. I truly wish to be a source of comfort without being a burden. However, am I doing it without thought to what I might gain from it? I try, and I think often times that I succeed, but then it makes me think; am I not, at least subconsciously, wanting something in return? Or is it just an expectation? Perhaps it’s neither a an expectation nor a requirement, but more of a…. hope.

When I give myself as a friend, I give myself entirely. That leaves a lot of room for hurt and despair, yet I hope that I’ll feel neither. That’s rarely the case, though. One can’t live in a shell, a world guarded by thick walls, without feeling a sense of regret and utter loneliness. I’m not willing to live with that, so, yes, I open myself up to a world of hurt. I try to be as honest with others as I can, but I know that, at times, I fail miserably. Those instances are filled with protective shells that sooner or later dissipate into the abyss of guilt.

At the same time, I expect others to be honest with me. I realize that some, as I do, omit truths and facts for the mere purpose of being protective. It’s not because they are vindictive and spiteful. But again, I am being as honest as I can be, and I expect the same in return; I hope for it. So, am I planting a tree without the express purpose of sitting in its shade?

It’s not all about hurt either. I try to surround myself with good people who make good friends. A relationship needs to be cultivated and weeded in order for it to flourish. I expect to have help in that. One-sided friendships, I call those. One person does all the work, while the other basks in the rewards. One sows. One reaps. Yep, I’ve had my share of those. They are hard to admit to happening, at least for me. I never want to ‘see’ that someone else might not want to invest enough of herself or himself for ‘me’. It makes me feel unworthy, inadequate, and only feeds an already sensitive self worth. It takes a long while to finally say to myself, “I am worth it, and if she/he can’t see that or understand, then they are the ones who are at a disadvantage. I am worth it.”

Planting seeds and watching them grow can only lead to good things. Yes, there are going to be weeds that will try to choke the life out of something good. There will be insects that infest and eat away at the roots – the foundation – the structure. There might even come a time when a disease will strike at the tender roots or leaves, threatening its growth. That’s where the work must really be at its fullest. It’s easy to plant; it’s not so easy to help reach fruition.

So, while relationships thrive on selflessness and care, there’s always an advantage to a beautifully and well-maintained one – an aesthetic beauty that begs to be enjoyed.

This essay is much like a creeping ivy; it starts in one place, and ends in another. Heheh.

It has, however, been a collaboration for Random Acts of Journaling