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Anything...
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17 April 2002
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If you felt the need to avoid someone who lived or worked near your home, how much inconvenience would you put up with? What could you do to make the situation less of a hassle for yourself?
Nothing I can say
Will matter anyway
Just a vain display
With me in the middle
(PFR - "Anything")
I’ve been pondering this question for a couple of weeks. The first time I read through it, my instinctual answer was, I’d utilize any method of avoidance to stay far far away from the person. However, after some thought, I’ve realized that no, I wouldn’t go out of my way to do that.
There haven’t been a lot of times in my real life that I’ve wanted to avoid someone because of whatever reason. So, if the situation were so bad that I felt I needed to avoid that person at least in some way, I’d have to admit that I wouldn’t go much out of my way to avoid them. I wouldn’t do anything special.
Perhaps, too, the factors in the whole avoidance equation would affect the way that I would demonstrate my need to avoid: the person, the reason, the degree of the problem, and maybe even my mood for the time in question.
If the person was someone with whom I worked, it would be pretty hard to avoid them completely. I do, after all, work in a fairly small school, and we would be bound to run into each other sooner or later. We have one workroom, one faculty bathroom (per gender – no Ally McBeal unisex thing going on here!), and we do have monthly staff meetings. The chances are that I couldn’t avoid them forever. However, I would try my best to find a reason to not sit near the person or work near him or her.
If the person was someone with whom I shared my lunchtime, I might eat in my classroom until I got over whatever was bothering me. If it was a long-term problem, I would eventually find myself in the lunchroom, but most likely I’d make small talk or chitchat. I do know that when I am annoyed with someone, or I am ashamed of myself (because let’s face it, I might just be having to avoid someone because of something that *I* did *gasp!*), I have a hard time making eye contact or making any kind of intellectual contribution to a conversation.
The most difficult scenario would be having a ‘beef’ with someone on my third-grade team. We work so closely together and as a team, that if there were a problem amongst us, it would make everyday work, and thus life, fairly unbearable. All of our planning is done together. We bounce ideas off of each other. We assess progress via one class or the other. I mean, it would truly be an impossible situation I was trying to avoid them. Our classrooms are all together; I don’t think it would be possible. It would truly turn what is a wonderful and delightfully rewarding job into something that would be hell to experience.
It would not be so difficult to avoid someone in my family. In fact, to maintain my sanity and preserve my self worth, I’ve actually had to avoid my family for one reason or another. Since they live halfway across the country, it’s not a difficult thing to do. However, it must always come to an end because I have to go home for the holidays. If the situation hasn’t been resolved by then, it would be because my sisters are not non-confrontational people and they would make resolve it, with their help, of course! ;-)
Upon reflection of what I’ve just written, I would like to think that I would find it within myself to somehow assuage the uncomfortable situation. If it meant that I had to apologize, I think I would eventually do it. If it meant that I would have to confront someone regarding a situation, I’d like to think that I could do it. If it’s a minor thing, chances are the intensity of it would dissipate and the need to avoid would somehow disappear, as well. I don’t like trying to survive in an uncomfortable situation, so I would try to fix it. It might take a little while, but I do believe wholeheartedly that it could and would be done.
That leaves me to think about the reasons behind what might be causing me to feel the need to avoid a person. There are way too many to even begin discussing, so I’ll try to make a small generalization and say that the bigger the reason, the longer I am apt to avoid. The more involved the avoidance, the more I’ll go out of my way to make an uncomfortable situation more comfortable.
The reasons that would have the biggest effect on me would be those of broken trust and abused friendship. If trust is thrashed to the ground like an unwanted hairball, then it’s going to be fairly difficult to ease my mind about that issue. Of course, depending upon my mood, I might just want to confront the person head-on and deal with it like only a woman could. ;-) However, that might just make the idea of avoiding the person (or the person avoiding me) all the better! Heheh. And if I am feeling especially worthless, I might avoid them altogether. When I am sulking, I like to lick my wounds privately, and I will spend a bit of time (not much) by myself. So, in a way, I guess that would be avoiding, wouldn’t it?
I’ve basically said nothing. Dear God!
I might find myself avoiding another person for whatever reason, but in the end, when it all comes down, I would want to resolve it, and I would eventually find a way to do it. That might mean that I have to make a mess before making it neater. In the end, it would be like Spring cleaning. Sometimes you just have to pull out all the junk before you can throw it in the rubbish bin.
...collaboration for the "If..." Project - April 2002...
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