|
Never enough...
|
04 May 2002
|
previous • current • next
Why is it never enough
No matter what I do?
I give all that I’ve got
And it’s always too few
(The Monkees – “Never Enough”)
I have been noticing some weirdness going on with some of the people around me lately. Maybe it’s just me being paranoid; I can be a bit hypersensitive at times, I suppose.
Recently I have noticed that when I talk, people don’t listen. This is not a new phenomenon. I’ve experienced this for as long as I can remember. In fact, I’ve asked people if I speak with a monotone voice. So far, everyone has said that I didn’t. I don’t sound monotone to myself, so I really started wondering.
When I was in high school, I started noticing that when I talked to someone, no matter how interesting my discussion was, their eyes would be roaming around the room. One girl, Amy, even used to walk away – mid sentence, I tell ya! I would get really bummed and self-conscious because of this. Wouldn’t anyone?
Okay, okay, not *every*one does this to me! But when enough people do, I start taking it personally. Heheh.
I really am not a boring person. I often make other people laugh and am completely able to engage in a thoughtful and intellectual conversation. I am an active participant in discussions, not just a casual observer.
Because of these occasional moments of feeling conversationally inadequate, I’ve become an animated person. When I am feeling like the conversation is going south, I begin to demonstrate loudly with my hands and face, making grand gestures to keep my victim engaged. My hands have been known to take on a life of their own, arms flailing about wildly as the discussion goes on.
It’s not working anymore.
I’ve been noticing it more and more at work. Blank stares as I speak. Feigned interest, dissipating as soon as someone else has something to say. Ingenuine nods of heads as if they were *really* listening. When I first came to the school, people really seemed to genuinely like me. I still think they do. After all, I’ve given no one a reason to not like me, and my personality is likable. Really, it is!
Now I am beginning to wonder. Call me crazy. Maybe I will just have to bring a dummy to work and have it speak for me. Ventriloquism can’t be that difficult to learn!
Do you think they will even notice that my lips are moving? ;-)
|
|
|
|
|
|
![[ Registered ]](/images/registry.gif){kind=small}
