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D.W. Washburn... and friends...
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07 April 2002
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You see, I got no job to go to.
I don't work and I don't get paid.
I got a bottle of wine and I'm feeling fine
And I do believe I've got it made.
I'd like to thank all you good people for coming to my aid.
But I'm D. W. Washburn and I believe I've got it made.
(The Monkees - D.W. Washburn)
I’ve had an epiphany.
It’s true.
I had it myself.
I felt it.
I see it.
I am no longer a young chick.
Yep…
I can no longer lust after… ummm.. long after… errr… be attracted to young men. I must now be attracted to men in their mid- to late thirties. How can that be?
It’s not that I don’t find men who are in their thirties to be handsome and attractive, but, I’ve always considered them to be the “older men” that were ruggedly good looking! And now? Now they are the persons to whom I should be finding myself attracted! Yikes!
I’m getting older. Most days I am really okay with this. Thirty-two is not ‘old’, and I have a lot of life yet to live. There are so many things that I can do now because I am thirty-two. In fact, when I really think about it, I don’t think that I’d like to be any younger than I am right now.
That is the last thing that I would have ever thought that I’d think – when I was a teenager or in my early twenties. (How’s that for a confusing sentence? Grammar experts out there – beware! ;-)) I always believed that mid-thirties was an ancient age bracket! Heheh. But, you know what? It’s not old! Really, it’s not. Those who believe it is old? Hrmph!
With this in mind, I have been taking a closer notice of men in this particular age bracket. These men have streaks of silver in their hair. (On women, it’s gray; on men, it’s silver. Go figure.) These men have a way about them – seemingly more confident, aware of themselves. They also seem to have higher expectations. At least the men to whom I am attracted have these characteristics.
They also seem to be married.
Even though I am in my thirties, and the thought of people looking at me like something is wrong with me because I am still unmarried, I can’t help but think, Okay, this is a handsome man. He seems to be fairly normal. He has a job and can support himself. What’s wrong with him?
What it comes down to, I think, is that I will most likely marry a man who has been divorced and may have children of his own already. I’ve never ruled out that possibility, even when I was “younger”. However, it’s more of a likelihood than just a mere possibility now. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve always wanted children, so if they happen to be “part of the package”, that’s alright by me. I just hope that should this happen, his kids will like me, and it will all work out! I know that we’ve all heard far too many horror stories concerning step-parents/children and, of course, the step-monster. I never ever want to be considered a step-monster!
Okay, now I have myself worried over something that may or may not happen! ;-)
I have found, too, that as I get older, my expectations of men have changed. All I expected out of a man was that he loved me, wanted children, and would never EVER cheat on me. Although those facets of expectation have not changed, there are some that I’ve added to the list. For instance, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t have any ambition. It’s too hard. I can give all the encouragement that I am capable of giving, and I can support only so much. If a person has no ambition, no dreams, no hopes, then I can’t supply them. Those kinds of things can’t come from someone else; they have to come from within. I believe that, in time, all people will realize their hopes and dreams, and with that realization comes aspiration. Aspiration builds ambition. However, it’s only attractive (to me) if a man has already realized his hopes and dreams and hopefully will already be working towards his goal(s), if not already met them. I’m at a place in my life where a thirty-something man who has no goals or has not yet realized where his life’s path might lead holds little attraction.
I also expect a man to be able to support a family. Yes, I realize that we are in the 2000’s. Yes, I realize that women were liberated a long time ago. Yes, I realize that my thinking might be considered archaic to some. However, it’s my thinking, and that’s my only defense. ;-) Am I wrong to want someone that I don’t have to support? Perhaps. Am I wrong to want someone that will take me out to nice dinners, buy me little gifts that show his adoration, etc.? Perhaps. I would do that for a man; why shouldn’t a man do that for me? Heheh.
I realize that love-and-lust and all that it involves does not always follow any rules. I know that the man of my dreams might just very well be some ne’er-do-well named D.W. Washburn! I’m just coming to an age where I find myself trusting my instincts more and more. My own desires and hopes are becoming more defined.
Experience is an age-old friend, one that will hopefully never let me down.
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